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Fair enough. Do you not appreciate beautiful women that aren’t your wife?

You’re right I do make my own bed. It’s part of being an adult.

So you’re just a Brighton fan and not a football fan? That’s fine. That level of tribalism and passive aggression doesn’t interest me. I’m too old and too objective to get involved in that kind of crap.

Exactly. There were positives in our performance today which give us a much better chance of getting the result we need down there.

Apparently there is. There’s nothing NSC likes more than having a go at the club’s own fans for trivial reasons.

Feet are a hard limit for me. I wouldn’t kiss Scarlet Johansson’s feet so I certainly wouldn’t be kissing Hazard’s.

Were we ever close enough to him to do that?

You don’t sit in the North Stand D section do you? There’s a guy there who misses 20 minutes of every game and who spends the time he is there screaming “break his *****ng legs” every time an opposition player gets the ball. Still, I didn’t go to today’s match wanting Hazard to win it for...

Exactly. Some people really are too precious.

I didn’t actually jizz over his performance. You do get that right? And when did I say I enjoyed us getting mauled? Don’t put words in my mouth just because you’re angry and feel the need to be hyper aggressive towards someone.

I jizzed myself over Hazard today and I’m a 32 year old Brighton fan through and through. If you can’t enjoy performances like his today then there literally is no point in you coming to football games, irrespective of alliegence. I mean Real Madrid fans applauded Ronaldinho and Messi for...