All of this. Go to A&E if you have to and can't get to see anyone else, they will help. There is loads of specialist help available, and it works - you're really not alone.
Opening up is good fella. Afraid I've seen a lot of depression in the family over the last few years (including someone very close taking their own life) so I know what a horrible, destructive, misunderstood illness it can be. Can't offer you anything practical, but you're not alone and there's...