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Guy I used to work with was known as having the reverse midas touch- everything he touched turned to shit, yet he thought he was the dogs bollocks and stuck his nose into everything, covering it with his shitty fingerprints. He was a 'roller-coaster enthusiast' who once set his Zoom background...

Sorry to leave you all in suspense. I am on the train to our 'away day' (in my office) as we speak so thought it was a good time to do this. I am a mild panther with significant owl qualities. :ffsparr: Really brimming with excitement and enthusiasm for this today, particularly the group tasks.

I thought it would just tell me there and then, but nope, I got sent a 20 minute video explaining why I am either an owl, a dolphin, a panther or a peacock, based on a series of generic questions. I'll report back when I can be arsed to sit through it :moo: I was a dolphin last time for what...

Imagine the sheer joy I experienced this evening when an email landed in my inbox to tell me our annual 'away day' is going ahead next week, but without the usual piss up as it's during office hours and instead of being at a hotel in a different city it's going to be everyone in the company...

Superb :lolol:

You haven't lived until you've been on a 'YamJam' :ffsparr:

I recently got an e-mail through from our 'Diversity and Inclusion' team (:FFSPuncheon) inviting me to a 'Men's workshop', which I found very surprising for obvious reasons. The only item this e-mail mentioned on the agenda at this workshop was 'asking men for ideas on how we could get more...

Office ringtone gammon guy has clearly been busy this weekend and added Insomnia by Faithless as one of his personalised ringtones. So hip and down with the kids. What a ****ing cool guy.

I'd like to submit a request for Hiney Art on this please...

Typical cringe bullshit has been going on here in deepest darkest Hampshire since I last checked in: Twats trying to do this Dele Alli hand thing (in the loudest, most obnoxious way possible, obviously) and acting as if they're ****ing gods. Cringey twats. Prick with the shitty loud ringtones...

I've moved desks so this bellend is further away but still in the same section of the office. Diamonds by Rihanna has gone off at full blast from the other side of the room three times in the last 10 minutes as his ring tone. This guy is peak gammon (as I believe kids are saying now), which...

Some twats next to me today genuinely just discussed how hilarious the ancient 'Charlie bit my finger' video and the 'baby who fancies his mum in Family Guy' are :ffsparr: Please end my suffering. *Also, no bumps for nearly a month? Come on people, REACH OUT to us with your bellcheese stories.

Office cuntface has clearly had a busy weekend- instead of the usual Coldplay and Sam Smith I've had Sweet Home Alabama and Ed Sheeran this morning. ****ing ****.

I have this guy that sits behind me that seems to have a different ring-tone for every person, which are actual songs that play on full blast. His phone goes off literally every 5 minutes every day and he sometimes lets them ring and ring to let the songs play- I think he is hoping that people...

Imagine the bellcheesery in this office: http://www.getreading.co.uk/news/business/could-been-coolest-place-work-14058058

I have just looked through my inbox to find this beauty of a signature on an e-mail I got a few months back: Eur Ing *His Name* B Eng (Hons) CEng FICE FPWI RPP MAPM

Been in my new office less than 5 hours and have already had one Ed Sheeran ringtone and one The Script ringtone go off behind. Kill me.

Anyone else see the hilarious Thames Water bellcheesery with their 'Head of Wellness' on Sky News earlier?

Shit poem.

Popcorn is healthy though innit, only 99 calories per serving. (Bag contains 8 servings)