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The quartet for me: Graeme Smith - just hopeless, bless him. Gavin Hoyte - similar to that imo, half asleep, physically weak, a crap FB. I’ve never been someone to call out at players, but from the Withdean south stand often yelled “Wake up Hoyte” as lower league wingers beat him every time...

We got promoted in spite of Akpom, the laziest player I can remember in the stripes. Which is remarkable for a young athlete.

Great business by Arsenal, shocking scouting by this Belgian club. Arsenal have somehow managed to flog the useless sloth for £2m.

You're lucky you saw him run. We only noticed a static passenger.

Resorting to an insult because you disagree with someone. Intelligent debating there.

Here we go. Angry tyrant.

Wenger' staying. The media seem universally agreed on that. Akpom pictures himself spear-heading their CL games in a couple of years of time against the usual opponents Barca and Bayern, before jumping into his Maserati, a hero. That'll show those miserable Albion fans.

Ssssshhhh. You must tow the party line and never, ever, criticise an Albion player. It's the Stasi rules.