A race horse goes into a pub. The barmaid says to him: "Why the long face?"
The horse says: "Cos you keep saying that to me instead of giving me the handjob that everyone else gets. Now give me a pint of Harveys and a bag of oats please." So the barmaid does.
Just then a tatty piece of string...
OK, but I like to offer a range of services.
Cheddar ploughmans £1.50
Chicken tikka sandwich £2.25
"Bareback" Handjob £10
Rubber glove Handjob 45p
Silk glove Handjob You couldn't afford it