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Your missus is a squirter it has to be said. Sorry about the rug.

Don't mock moisturiser. I am very much not a reconstructed male but have used moisturiser since I was 12. Your face will thank you. I'm currently road testing the Crabtree and Evelyn Frosted Woodspice range and am very impressed so far. I'm 41 and easily look 6-10 years younger and i put that...