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Ah, that's lovely going South when they all get off. Like when the teacher removes the dickhead kid from class and you can all return to normal.

You want your bag tight in your lap when the train pulls in at E. Croydon. A lot of scum really do get on there, you can tell the difference straight away.

Ha, very good.

Ah, the classic day-trippers. They act like you have ruined their entire day out when you ask them to move up.

Ha! Nice. I found Dubai airport to be very odd. It takes ages to get through. This is mainly because the passengers are largely made up of Indian workers who although very pleasant from the few I chatted to, really have no concept of queuing and doing things methodically, the ticket desk was a...

On a plane to Dubai there was quite a furore on the internal flight last leg of the journey where Indian workers were going back into Dubai. A lot of them were carrying buckets which they were cramming into the overheads. A stewardess came over to help and for her trouble a bucket of Sausage...

My mistake. It seems to belong to a man with a Satsuma for a head reading a Kindle.

I notice there are some bags on the seats diagonally behind him. Probably his too. Has he taken up the whole carriage?

Just ask. What's the problem? I remember once getting onto a train at Kings Lynn, it's the first and last station so hardly ever busy. I put my bag beside me as it had bits and bobs I wanted to use during the journey in it. Just kind of drifted off into my own world and didn't notice the...