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Don't let his words beat you to your knees, US. Battle on through!

My favourite bit is either "me and Gordon have now made it up" (reminiscent of the classic "I asked Gus" days) or the hilarious HORSE gag, which very nearly works*. Idea for next article: "11 reasons why you should stay to the final whistle". It's got VIRAL CLICKBAIT written all over it. You...