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And. far worse, thousands of people around the ground are evidently unable even to CLAP in time, when Sussex by the Sea is blaring out - far louder than any drum - from speakers positioned just above their heads. What's that all about?

For years we've ridiculed Palace and their 'totally tinpot' drum. And now, we're apparently so desperate for some instant atmosphere that people seriously want one... at the Amex of all places? True atmosphere is a self-generated, organic emotion, building naturally from thousands of fans...

What we really need is for our fans in the North to wear black jackets, look well 'ard, AND sing the chorus to Glad all Over, accompanied by a very loud drum. And if we could arrange for a motheaten eagle to fly around the pitch too, that would surely do the trick...