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Prof. Lewis: You know when you tread in cack, and then you take another step and tread in more cack? Baddiel: So both your feet are covered in cack? Prof Lewis: Yes. Baddiel: I am familiar with that occurrence, yes. Prof. Lewis: That's your trainers, that is. That's your new £100 Reebok trainers.

Baddiel: See that woman, right at the back of the studio? Newman: Yes, yes, I...I can just about make her out. Baddiel: That's the nearest you've come to getting off with a girl, that is.

Have you got the scrolls? No, I always walk like this.

'You don't sweat much for a fat lass'.