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Sorry. I just google "emoticons" + subject e.g "emoticons digging hole" or "emoticons dodgy plumber"

I hope you find them amusing.

Apologies if I appeared xylophonic. I was just setting the scene. She was a lovely young lady and very polite.

Do You Know Why?

Because it's the sort of thing one might order in an establishment that sells bacon, suasages and bread. I'm going back there on Wednesday. I'm going to order a bacon sub and a sausage sub and then put the bacon in the sausage sub and ask for some marmite to put in the empty sub.

Technically when my request for a bacon and sausage sub was made I had not been made aware of the unavailability of the said pig-brain filled intestines. The young lady clearly informed me bacon and sausage was not an option on the menu. And I'm convinced she then told me there were no sausages...

So that would be a Megamelt "My Way". So why can't I order a bacon roll "My Way" with a sausage?

I didn't want a sodding egg, melt!

I was in Dover this morning and thought I'd nip in to a garage based Subway and get myself some brekkie. I asked the Polish/Lithuanin/Chech young lady for a sausage and bacon sub and a coffee. I was politely informed that I could have a bacon sub or a sausage sub but they did not serve a...