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Rubber-faced harpie Leona claims that she 'keeps bleeding, keeps keeps bleeding'. On first hearing this assertion I took it at faced value. Now with even my limited medical knowledge I cannot accept that having lost blood over a 5 months period she is still in the land of the living. Another...

"Don't Pay the Ferryman' garbled carpet-browed Irish sex-pest Chris de Burgh. Taking that advice ruined a family holiday on the Emerald Isle for my us, along with an unfortunate stay in a prsion in Stranraer. In future when travelling abroad ignore any 'helpfuil' advice from has-been crooners.

Frizzy-haired lunatic Sinnatta convined gullible fans in the 80's that her lover would have: 'to be so macho, be big and strong and love to turn me on and on. He has to have big blue eyes, be able to satisfy........' Having seen an article over the weekend with a picture of the couple, I now...

Ahem, well er, I er, you see, it's not quite like that, she er, well, said that er, ...............yes it is.

She's an Easy Lover screamed balding dull-man Phil Collins. Well he obviously hasn't tried to get jiggy with my other half after 10 pints of Stella and a chilli doner. Not on your f***ing life Collins. Liar.

To the north To the south It don’t matter Every road leads to you another mind-blowing example of Chicagos willingness to lead the listener astray. Follow the A26 out of Lewes, through Uckfield and towards Crowborough and on to Tunbridge Wells and you certainly won't end up where Chicago...

And knowing that you would have wanted it this way I do believe I’m feelin’ stronger every day Yeah, yeah, yeah So sung clueless buffoons Chicago. As anyone with a severe wasting diease will tell you, this is not the case.

Whitesnake lead singer screamed: 'Here I go again on my own' Well I've seen them live and the fact of the matter is he was not on his own at any stage during the concert. Lying twat.

Neil Diamond once said with authority, that Money talks. To make this sort of assertion, and then go on to admit that it does not either sing, dance or walk is, in my opinion ludicrous. I have sat here for the last hour, trying to engage in conversation with a five pound note. Result?? Utter...

Cardigan-clad, sandal-sporting, tee-huggers SteelEye Span hit us with these wise words a few years back. All around my hat I will wear the green willow All around my hat for a twelve-month and a day And if anyone should ask me the reason why I'm wearing it It's all for my true love who's far...

The Beach Boys clearly have not visited some of the more remote parts of East Anglia. They tell us: 'East coast girls are hip, I really dig those styles they wear' Years back on a family holiday round the Norfolk broads we got lost just outside Cromar. a lady passed our car and we asked for...

Bland Irish f***-nuts Westlife claimed that it was an enjoyable experience: 'Flying without wings' Drop the smug gobshites out of a plane and see how quick they are to beg for a parachute. Liars.

The young children once beamed up at Clive Dunn stating : Grandad we love you. Speak for yourself, one of my grandads was a self-indulgent misery who made my grannys last few years on this earth absolute hell.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord. Well I i'm not having that.

Easy..............Bum-banging legend Mercury actually screams Scaramouche, not that this makes any more sense, but then addled with all mind-bending drugs he had taken and oxygen deficiency from the pillow smothering, i hardly think we should be surprised.

I could never lie For honour I would lie Following the chinese way So sung Mark King. Having heard him on an edition of the Wogan show I heard him declare that he would not be reforming the band, and that Gary Husband was not in line for a come back. Having remembered the lyrics to his song...

Cole Porter implied he got no kick from either alcohol or cocaine. Well, let me get hold of the misery for an evening. I fill him so full of colombians best and booze that he'll shit his ring out all over his bedroom floor.

Did Europe ever back up their claim that they received a warm welcome upon their arrival on the planet Venus. In verse one of their 80's rock anthem Final Countdown they seemed surprisingly sure of a meet and greet scenario on touch down. Was their subsequent disappearance from the music...

This is possibly one of the greatest threads I have ever read on here. Unbelievably funny.

Lionel Richie coos to his loved one that she is: Once, twice, three times a lady. Nonsensical as we all know. How can she be three times a lady let alone twice? Or is it? Having seen the mental and physical state of his ex-wife it is entirely possible that she has on more than one occasion...