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I’m very happy with my wife. She scrubs up well and is an amazing mum. Fair to say, I’m punching.

Did you miss the bit where I said he was an Australian?

I once went to a comedy night with my then gf. An Aussie comedian clocked us and based his entire routine on how she was too good looking for me. He wouldn’t leave it alone and kept saying “seriously, you’re gorgeous. what the f*ck are you doing with him?”. It went from funny, to irritating, to...