There was a young parish priest who lost his bike. He consulted the Bishop who's advice was to centre his sermon on the 10 commandments, when you get to "thou shall not steal, scan the congregation and look for a guilty face"
The following day the Bishop asked how it went and the priest said...
I used to live in a small Oxfordshire town that had a very clever drug dealer who was always clean when his house was raided. Two fathers whose daughters had been turned into junkies by this dealer arranged a meeting to get drugs for their daughters. Together they beat seven shades of shit out...