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My mate is an Everton fan and honestly can’t believe he is a premier league footballer. Let alone one they paid £15m for. He is a STH at Goodison and sees every game home and away. Reckons he is just about the worst striker in their Premier League history. He reckons the (infamously dogshit) Joe...

Not registered in time due to bank holiday.

While we’re on about Aspinall, JC constantly calls him “former Albion striker”. Is my memory playing tricks on me, but he was a midfielder wasn’t he? I can’t remember him ever playing up front for us

I bet you feel like a bit of a wally now.

£15m - he’s having a medical as I type this. It’ll be confirmed by the end of today; they want him available for their game tomorrow at Brentford, and the registration cut off is at midday.