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The only club I can imagine who fits your criteria is Derby County. He is tailor made for them as they are a f**king shambles.

He is definitely not as bad as the consensus appears to suggest, but he hasn't been very good with the exception of 4 or 5 games IMO. I'll tell you what it is for me that has left a bitter taste - his whining to the press when he was being overlooked after lazy, sloppy performances. By...

His one saving grace (and for his undoubted shitness, it shouldn't be forgotten) was that lovely finish at Millwall without which we wouldn't have enjoyed a day at at Wembley in the FA Cup. He has contributed pretty much nothing else. Comparisons with the VERY disappointing Ali J are actually...

In a noddy league. Against absolute VILLAGE defenders. He's gash.

At this level, he is absolutely crap. Sorry, but he is. Goes missing, still too lazy back tracking, doesn't offer anything. I'd keep him if we go down though, because he is the sort of Jordan Rhodes/Patrick Bamford / Tom Ince player who might well look good at that level but is MILES out of...

It's simple isn't it? He's been woefully short of the standard expected of his price tag, but in the last couple of games he has responded very well and against Arsenal was as good as he's ever played, although if I'm honest he didn't really pull up any trees in my view besides taking his goal...