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"I'm tellin' ya, 'e's a lovely honest lad from the Favelas. Ten million quid and there's not so much as a drink in it for me. Straight up."

Harry Redknapp has a fax machine he stole from Spurs that his wife Sandra would probably send you for nothing. He sits beside it every transfer deadline day, refusing to budge - like a dog guarding the body of its dead master - and weeping softly to himself as it fails to jitter into life as...