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Why don't we play a game of F**k off! You go first...

Something wrong with our ground? No urine on the floor? Low turnstiles that allow underpant soiled nebulos to vault them?

Much, much smaller. I was at a social last night and in amongst football chat. Now live in Croydon so little excerpts.. "they really hate us down there" "never felt such a venomous home support down there" "fear of my well being down there" and best of all "I hate to say it but they are a...

What other grouping has the name Apache? Stockbrokers? Stevedores? Klingons?

This is what happened. About 800 ugly Brighton meatheads were chased around the stadium by 10 palace good boys. I know all of them (the good boys). They are kind to puppies and visit their Nans every weekend as well as saying their prayers every night. Such nice boys who don't look for trouble...

They are Palace, it's just what they do... Quite a ring to it...now is there a toon that would fit?

I just did Teddy? PM me for a fight? Only kidding... *emoji with tongue sticking out in glee* I can't insert Emojis.

I would say unnerving and maybe startling...

Intimidating?

aww...and I thought you would bring a slice of your Aunt Margie's upside down cake.

We will bring 4,000 and 2,000 will be in the home seats. See we can be interrogating as well. Our real toughies will wear Indian ladies Sari's and fire toy gun caps to cause alarm..

A close confident revealed that you tussled with an onion bhaji later that evening.

Yes do. They have brown belts in ju-jitsu and their Girl's Brigade sewing badge.

Playing keepie-uppie with a turd?

I am scared as Ultras are good at fighting and in general Crystal Palace fans are really tough and will chase us all away. I am not going.

He is a wind-up merchant who enjoys the attention.

isn't plethora a grand word to use?