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"Right... let's get this bloody show on the road.."

Well.... I'm not fat, but I do carry a mid-40's paunch, and I did once jump in the ice plunge at Center Parcs Longleat.. and I swear my old fella retracted faster than a tortoise's head after a toffee hammer to the temple.

Oh, and don't forget to buy one eight sizes too large for when it shrinks like a fat man's todger in an ice bath.

Isn't "Seagull's" grammatically incorrect? It would infer that something belongs to a seagull. Perhaps a picture of a violently swoop-stolen half sandwich beneath the word would be more fitting then?