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See, you're doing it again. Getting all pompous and self righteous and stuff. You'll never be better than me because I'm a Palace fan. And you ain't. Or should that be 'you isn't?' You is the English expert. You tell me, n'est-ce pas? That's French for isn't it, je crois. And je crois is English...

No problem with literacy. Just the wankers who think their level of literacy makes them better than anyone else.

Yeah. Be the first time. Well since last season anyway. And the many seasons before that. That filthy mess in the away dressing room been shovelled up yet? Or is Oatway still on the payroll?

Well I do have a penchant ( is that right, Bozzer?) for Premier League football these days.

Tried it once. Weren't for me. Didn't wanna come across as a pretentious prick. And stuff.

You talk too much.

Yeah, leave me alone you pedant.

Aw didums, dadums. You getting all bitter and upset about our success too?

You thought that was me trying?

No need to get all upset, pedantic and lower league than us. Just stating the facts, Ma'am. Just the facts.

Have a look at this seasons' fixtures. I believe you'll find we're a Premier League club now. Unlike you. Ever.