[Humour] (et un autre) Joke du Jour

Stat Brother · Mar 17, 2024

I went to the funeral of a friend.
When they began the eulogies, I asked the widow if I could say a word and she obliged.
I went to the podium and said, "Plethora".
As I stepped down, the widow said to me, "Thank you. That means a lot."

Dorset Seagull · Mar 17, 2024

Very sophisticated joke, well done

birthofanorange · Mar 17, 2024

Was the poor woman aware of the literal meaning of the word, or was she genuinely thanking you for your thoughtful gesture? Either way, I feel sorry for her loss.

Cheeky Monkey · Mar 17, 2024

Reminiscent of the classic Strachan post-match interview:

Reporter: ‘Gordon, can I have a quick word?’
Strachan: ‘Velocity.’

birthofanorange · Mar 17, 2024

Cheeky Monkey said:
Reminiscent of the classic Strachan post-match interview:

Reporter: ‘Gordon, can I have a quick word?’
Strachan: ‘Velocity.’

Speed would have been a better choice, as velocity is a vector. Mind you, as a footballer, I wouldn't have expected him to distinguish between the two, so he can be forgiven.

Stat Brother · Mar 17, 2024

birthofanorange said:
Was the poor woman aware of the literal meaning of the word, or was she genuinely thanking you for your thoughtful gesture? Either way, I feel sorry for her loss.

I wouldn't, it transpired she took out a massive life insurance policy on my friend then killed him for the payout.

She's currently doing 25 years to life.

birthofanorange · Mar 17, 2024

Stat Brother said:
I wouldn't, it transpired she took out a massive life insurance policy on my friend then killed him for the payout.

She's currently doing 25 years to life.

'25 years to life'? That means a lot.

Tom Hark Preston Park · Mar 17, 2024

This somewhat morbid thread has got me thinking on the meaning of mortality. When I die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus

Albion my Albion · Mar 17, 2024

birthofanorange said:
Speed would have been a better choice, as velocity is a vector. Mind you, as a footballer, I wouldn't have expected him to distinguish between the two, so he can be forgiven.

So maybe "pace" would have been better except in the US where "speed" would have been better.

Acker79 · Mar 17, 2024

Happy Exile · Mar 17, 2024

I'm not sure about the etiquette of waiting until the eulogies had begun before you asked the widow. It perhaps put her in an uncomfortable position of feeling she had no choice but to allow you and so avoid an embarrassing scene. In future it'd perhaps be best to ask before the day of the service.

Bodian · Mar 17, 2024

Stat Brother said:
I went to the funeral of a friend.
When they began the eulogies, I asked the widow if I could say a word and she obliged.
I went to the podium and said, "Plethora".
As I stepped down, the widow said to me, "Thank you. That means a lot."

Surely she would have said "That means an overabundance, an excess"

PILTDOWN MAN · Mar 17, 2024

Stat Brother said:
I went to the funeral of a friend.
When they began the eulogies, I asked the widow if I could say a word and she obliged.
I went to the podium and said, "Plethora".
As I stepped down, the widow said to me, "Thank you. That means a lot."

I’m disappointed that @Lenny Rider has failed in not having a RIP thread for the deceased.

Bodian · Mar 17, 2024

Happy Exile said:
I'm not sure about the etiquette of waiting until the eulogies had begun before you asked the widow. It perhaps put her in an uncomfortable position of feeling she had no choice but to allow you and so avoid an embarrassing scene. In future it'd perhaps be best to ask before the day of the service.

Especially if you need time to write and hone your carefully crafted speech....

ConfusedGloryHunter · Mar 17, 2024

Is a funeral really a suitable venue for whimsical wordplay? It is a time for reflecting on a life's race sadly run and for giving comfort to others. For shame sir. For shame.

Albion my Albion · Mar 17, 2024

PILTDOWN MAN said:
I’m disappointed that @Lenny Rider has failed in not having a RIP thread for the deceased.

But would it have been a sanctioned RIP thread?

Goldstone1976 · Mar 17, 2024

I was asked by the widow of a very close friend of my father’s (they’d served together in Vietnam) to do the eulogy at his funeral. I knew the deceased, but only in the way that you’d know the friend of a parent.

Of course I said I would happily do so. I was quite surprised to see c500 mourners in the church. To this day I’m mildly puzzled that I was chosen to do it - surely there were plenty of people who knew him better than I? Judging by the bewildered looks on some of the faces in the congregation, plenty of other felt the same way.

Albion my Albion · Mar 17, 2024

Goldstone1976 said:
Judging by the bewildered looks on some of the faces in the congregation, a plethora of others felt the same way.

I fixed it for you.

Quebec Seagull · Mar 17, 2024

French thread title... French jokes? I can oblige:

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Stat Brother · Mar 17, 2024

Quebec Seagull said:
French thread title... French jokes? I can oblige:

View attachment 178893

View attachment 178894

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For now maintenant is my favourite French word.

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