[Sussex] Artisan, Shoreham

The Clamp · Jan 13, 2023

Popped in to my favourite Shoreham cafe after a while of not having time to do a leisurely brekkie for some time.

Looking forward to their full English, which although a bit pricey has always been superb. And run by friendly people who are happy to have a chat and catch up.

Imagine my horror. Firstly it smells rotten. Like mildew mixed with industrial, wanking booth grade detergent.

I said hi! To the two ladies behind the counter. To my surprise they answered in American accents.

Okay. I couldn’t see any menus so asked for a breakfast menu. No menu. Just some sorry looking pastries at the back and a couple of lonely quiches under the glass cloche.

I was disappointed but politely and cheerily said “ah! I was looking for a cooked breakfast, not to worry”!
Her response?

“I’m not worried”

Well you f***ing should be. That place would normally be heaving with after school drop off milf at this time. Today? One lady in the corner nursing a coffee.

When did this change? I didn’t think I’d been away that long.

Settled for Tom’s. Which while being a bit of a rip off, was tasty. No full English though.

Shoreham is fast becoming the stronghold of the yoga mat and labradoodle crowd. I’m glad I moved along the road few years back. Nice to visit, pubs are great but it’s changing exponentially and getting worse.

Americans!? Gawd help us all.

Jesus Gul · Jan 13, 2023

The folks from Tom's were on the tellybox recently talking about fuel/cost of living crisis (I think it was). Must have been national news because it made my ears prick up in a 'ooh I've been in there' way.

Decent Cafe #thumbsup

chickens · Jan 13, 2023

I have some sympathy, in the old days if a cafe was open before 11am you could get a cooked breakfast in it. I guess people originally felt that they looked less gluttonous if they just got a pastry and a coffee, and then of course Brighton has always been the natural haunt of the spinach and tofu brigade. This is Brighton overflow’s natural creep along the coast.

Frankly, while I generally wish any independent business well competing in a world heavily stacked against it, I do feel we could do with a few more indies that weren’t run by evangelical food nazis and catered for the general population, but the clue is in whether it survives or not. Glad you were able to find somewhere catering to your tastes!

LamieRobertson · Jan 13, 2023

Still Macdonalds is still open…..Americans you say ..oh

Shoreham’s trying to cater for all these new apartments….used to call them flats in my day

Questions · Jan 13, 2023

£7.45 max for a full English in my book.

Tom Bombadil · Jan 13, 2023

It's the brighton muesli belt slowly oozing along the coast.

Eric the meek · Jan 13, 2023

'I'm not worried'. Jesus.

Don't mind me, I'm just the customer.

The Clamp · Jan 13, 2023

Eric the meek said:
'I'm not worried'. Jesus.

Don't mind me, I'm just the customer.

Quite. I was being very breezy as well, trying to say it so as not to offend.

Oh well! The place being empty at what was its busiest time says it all.

Eric the meek · Jan 13, 2023

The Clamp said:
Quite. I was being very breezy as well, trying to say it so as not to offend.

Oh well! The place being empty at what was its busiest time says it all.

Indeed. Then, when you consider that the pastries and quiche were probably bought in from the bakers up the road, and not made on the premises in an 'Artisan' way at all, it makes it all the more laughable.

Next time I'm over there, I'll go in, go up to the counter, look round at the empty tables, and ask them if they are still not worried.

The Clamp · Jan 13, 2023

Eric the meek said:
Indeed. Then, when you consider that the pastries and quiche were probably bought in from the bakers up the road, and not made on the premises in an 'Artisan' way at all, it makes it all the more laughable.

Next time I'm over there, I'll go in, go up to the counter, look round at the empty tables, and ask them if they are still not worried.

Whitechapel · Jan 13, 2023

Shoreham is a bit grim now isn’t it unless you’re on the lash. Lived there for the first 20 years of my life, I’m not even 30 and hate what it’s become.

The amount of new blocks of flats going up is ridiculous, all for the DFL crowd to continue to gentrify the absolute shit out of it. I’m worried about when Lancing follows.

CheeseRolls · Jan 13, 2023

The Clamp said:
Popped in to my favourite Shoreham cafe after a while of not having time to do a leisurely brekkie for some time.

Looking forward to their full English, which although a bit pricey has always been superb. And run by friendly people who are happy to have a chat and catch up.

Imagine my horror. Firstly it smells rotten. Like mildew mixed with industrial, wanking booth grade detergent.

I said hi! To the two ladies behind the counter. To my surprise they answered in American accents.

Okay. I couldn’t see any menus so asked for a breakfast menu. No menu. Just some sorry looking pastries at the back and a couple of lonely quiches under the glass cloche.

I was disappointed but politely and cheerily said “ah! I was looking for a cooked breakfast, not to worry”!
Her response?

“I’m not worried”

Well you f***ing should be. That place would normally be heaving with after school drop off milf at this time. Today? One lady in the corner nursing a coffee.

When did this change? I didn’t think I’d been away that long.

Settled for Tom’s. Which while being a bit of a rip off, was tasty. No full English though.

Shoreham is fast becoming the stronghold of the yoga mat and labradoodle crowd. I’m glad I moved along the road few years back. Nice to visit, pubs are great but it’s changing exponentially and getting worse.

Americans!? Gawd help us all.

Had the dentists this morning and then popped into Ginger and Dobbs for a couple of things. Every seat was taken and there were at least a couple tables with men in suits discussing targets. Plenty of people around.

Hardly ever stop for breakfast or coffee in Shoreham, as it is more convenient for me to make both at home, but there always seems plenty of choice.

Beach Hut · Jan 13, 2023

Artisan currently reasonably busy, non American served us and a nice latte.

NB 80p more than Drift

The Clamp · Jan 13, 2023

CheeseRolls said:
Had the dentists this morning and then popped into Ginger and Dobbs for a couple of things. Every seat was taken and there were at least a couple tables with men in suits discussing targets. Plenty of people around.

Hardly ever stop for breakfast or coffee in Shoreham, as it is more convenient for me to make both at home, but there always seems plenty of choice.

Yeah, ginger and Dobbs is nice.

Maybe I hit the place on a bad day but today at 9am;

Artisan- f***ed by yanks

Teddies- not open yet

Drift - chef on holiday, only pastries available. Same thing happened last time I was in.

There usually is choice but today was bereft. The curse of the 13th maybe.

The Clamp · Jan 13, 2023

Beach Hut said:
Artisan currently reasonably busy, non American served us and a nice latte.

NB 80p more than Drift

Fine if you’re not liking for a cooked breakfast. I suppose.

mikeyjh · Jan 13, 2023

The Clamp said:
Shoreham is fast becoming the stronghold of the yoga mat and labradoodle crowd

Becoming!! I miss Shoreham, I don't miss the atmosphere of the economically inactive who lounge around the coffee shops once they've dropped the kids off.....

The Clamp · Jan 13, 2023

Whitechapel said:
Shoreham is a bit grim now isn’t it unless you’re on the lash. Lived there for the first 20 years of my life, I’m not even 30 and hate what it’s become.

The amount of new blocks of flats going up is ridiculous, all for the DFL crowd to continue to gentrify the absolute shit out of it. I’m worried about when Lancing follows.

I’m really hoping Lancing is overlooked. I moved here a few years ago from Shoreham and I love that it hasn’t been gentrified.

Surely only a matter of time.

Eric the meek · Jan 13, 2023

The Clamp said:

Customer service is not rocket science.

Clamp: I was after a cooked breakfast. Not to worry.
Artisan: I'm sorry, we don't do cooked breakfasts, but we can do you a bacon and egg sandwich?
Clamp: Yes, please.
Artisan: Would you like to go large with two eggs and two rashers?
Clamp: Yes, all right then.

Or something along those lines. It's not difficult.

Tom Bombadil · Jan 13, 2023

The Clamp said:
I’m really hoping Lancing is overlooked. I moved here a few years ago from Shoreham and I love that it hasn’t been gentrified.

Surely only a matter of time.

You could always move to Sompting, guard against any gentrification crossing the Adur by putting a bit of space between you and any hint of a soy milk latte

theboybilly · Jan 13, 2023

Whitechapel said:
Shoreham is a bit grim now isn’t it unless you’re on the lash. Lived there for the first 20 years of my life, I’m not even 30 and hate what it’s become.

The amount of new blocks of flats going up is ridiculous, all for the DFL crowd to continue to gentrify the absolute shit out of it. I’m worried about when Lancing follows.

DFL (1997 vintage here) living in Shoreham. Love it, best thing I ever did was move here. I love the fact that the shops in town are mostly not spoiled when closed by metal shutters. It just gives me a 'nice town' vibe. The bad pubs have largely gone (Morning Star & Burrell Arms anyone?) But I can see it changing for the worse when those flats are completed. It will always be nicer than Lancing though that's for sure

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