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Alan Partridge Quotes
- Thread starter KingstonSeagull
- Start date
Easy 10
Brain dead MUG SHEEP
“(Smelling wine) ooooh I was slightly hyper-ventilating then….usually leads to panic attacks….Jesus not now.”
CorgiRegisteredFriend
Well-known member
'Who invented The Skip?'
Seasider78
Well-known member
- Nov 14, 2004
- 5,940
“At the moment the RSPB are non-violent, but what if we kicked it up a notch? Let’s paint a scenario. The last osprey in Britain is killed by a football. The last osprey egg is stolen and scrambled for a Russian oligarch’s breakfast who eats it without one iota of remorse, in his leather jacket. Simply wipes his lips and says “Simples.” And Bill Oddie goes apeshit.”
“Oddie is like a bearded catherine wheel scything through the crowd. Ironically the oligarchs wearing their leather jackets are protected from the worst of the blast, but an innocent couple from the north east on a city break are vapourised.
“Oddie is like a bearded catherine wheel scything through the crowd. Ironically the oligarchs wearing their leather jackets are protected from the worst of the blast, but an innocent couple from the north east on a city break are vapourised.
I would've taken it off sooner, but I was having a fascinating conversation with the proud father of Norfolk's most sun-tanned child... just passed his details on to the social services...
Dan: Anyway, Alan Partridge, I arrest you on suspicion of sucking up to a mustard magnate
Alan: You’re not a copper.
Dan: Well, it’s a citizens arrest.
Alan: Well, I’ll shoot you then, bang!
Dan: I’m wearing a bulletproof blazer.
Alan: Well, I’ll go for a head shot.
Dan: I’m the Terminator you can’t kill me!
Alan: I’ve got your kids, I’ve got your kids, Dan.
Dan: Anyway, Alan Partridge, I arrest you on suspicion of sucking up to a mustard magnate
Alan: You’re not a copper.
Dan: Well, it’s a citizens arrest.
Alan: Well, I’ll shoot you then, bang!
Dan: I’m wearing a bulletproof blazer.
Alan: Well, I’ll go for a head shot.
Dan: I’m the Terminator you can’t kill me!
Alan: I’ve got your kids, I’ve got your kids, Dan.
Tom Hark Preston Park
Will Post For Cash
- Jul 6, 2003
- 70,371
And with the battle over...
“Well Sonja that was classic intercourse. So, er, thanks. Let's just pop the extractor fan on, get a through draught going.”
D
Deleted User X18H
Guest
They're sex people Lynn.
Butch Willykins
Well-known member
From welcome to the places of my life...
A few years ago in this very building, councillors had to summon up every ounce of their political gumption to save a city that was on the verge of being rent asunder.
March 2006, and the council have proposed to extend city centre parking fees to beyond 7pm. Uproar. The councillors hurtle through these corridors, the air thick with argument and counter-argument, hue and cry. Brouhaha. Some said, “It’s an essential revenue generator.” Others said “It’ll strangle trade!” The result… deadlock.
At that point, a rogue Lib-Dem proposed a compromise. “What if theatres were prepared to subsidise night-time parking, and those self same rates were suspended from Monday through Wednesday, resulting in a net gain for the city’s midweek economy?” “And a bloody, or at least irritable, clash could be averted.”
A few years ago in this very building, councillors had to summon up every ounce of their political gumption to save a city that was on the verge of being rent asunder.
March 2006, and the council have proposed to extend city centre parking fees to beyond 7pm. Uproar. The councillors hurtle through these corridors, the air thick with argument and counter-argument, hue and cry. Brouhaha. Some said, “It’s an essential revenue generator.” Others said “It’ll strangle trade!” The result… deadlock.
At that point, a rogue Lib-Dem proposed a compromise. “What if theatres were prepared to subsidise night-time parking, and those self same rates were suspended from Monday through Wednesday, resulting in a net gain for the city’s midweek economy?” “And a bloody, or at least irritable, clash could be averted.”
CorgiRegisteredFriend
Well-known member
'Hi Susan. I was a bit bored so I dismantled my Corby Trouser press'
Pavilionaire
Well-known member
- Jul 7, 2003
- 30,636
"We have a caller on the line who fears he may be a gay, he's married so we'll only refer to him by his christian name. This is Domingo from Little Oakley."
"Pray silence please, for The Electric Light Orchestra."
"Pray silence please, for The Electric Light Orchestra."
Seasider78
Well-known member
- Nov 14, 2004
- 5,940
"Right, dry skin cream. I'm having an attack of the old flakes again. This morning my pillow looked like a flapjack."
"So if anyone out there is thinking of burglaring me don't bother. In fact do. Have a go because quite frankly you'll be picking up your teeth with a broken arm. Think about that before you trespass on my property. Because you people are scum."
Seasider78
Well-known member
- Nov 14, 2004
- 5,940
Lynns a bit like Burt Reynolds. Very reliable but she's got a moustache.
Lynn: I picked up these brochures for the new Metro. It’s a lovely car. And if you do –
Alan: [Interrupting] Lynn, I’m not driving a mini-Metro.
Lynn: But you do have to make substantial savings.
Alan: Lynn, I am not driving a mini-Metro.
Lynn: But if you do, you can keep Pear Tree Productions going with a skeleton staff of two, and –
Alan: There’s no point finishing the sentence, Lynn, because I am not driving a mini-Metro.
Lynn: But if you d –
Alan: Lynn! I’ll just speak over you.
Lynn: But –
Alan: No! Go on, try and finish the sentence and see what I do. Go on.
Lynn: [They both talk together] With a skeleton staff of two –
Alan: I’m not driving a mini-Metro, I’m not driving a mini-Metro, I’m not driving a mini-Metro.
Lynn: No, no it’s different. It’s called a Rover Metro now.
Alan: They’ve rebadged it, you fool!
Alan: [Interrupting] Lynn, I’m not driving a mini-Metro.
Lynn: But you do have to make substantial savings.
Alan: Lynn, I am not driving a mini-Metro.
Lynn: But if you do, you can keep Pear Tree Productions going with a skeleton staff of two, and –
Alan: There’s no point finishing the sentence, Lynn, because I am not driving a mini-Metro.
Lynn: But if you d –
Alan: Lynn! I’ll just speak over you.
Lynn: But –
Alan: No! Go on, try and finish the sentence and see what I do. Go on.
Lynn: [They both talk together] With a skeleton staff of two –
Alan: I’m not driving a mini-Metro, I’m not driving a mini-Metro, I’m not driving a mini-Metro.
Lynn: No, no it’s different. It’s called a Rover Metro now.
Alan: They’ve rebadged it, you fool!
Shirty
Daring to Zlatan
Dan !
Dan !
Dan !
Dan !
Dan !
Dan !
Dan !
Dan !
Dan !
Beach Hut
Brighton Bhuna Boy
Lynn I'm going nowhere, literally I am on the Norwich ring road
Probably my favourite:
Two questions: How are we going to eat, and what floor’s the restaurant on ?
The answer is “The Chinese Way” and Level 42.
Probably my favourite:
Two questions: How are we going to eat, and what floor’s the restaurant on ?
The answer is “The Chinese Way” and Level 42.