My partner has got to do an after dinner speech in the not too distant future. Her audience will consist mainly of nurses who, I think its safe to say, will have consumed a fair amount of alcohol by the time she's due to speak and she has asked me to source some good after dinner jokes. Inevitably therefore I turn to the resident comedians on NSC for inspiration and my request is for the funniest after dinner joke you have ever heard or indeed maybe just the funniest joke you have ever heard, irrespective of context and content?
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After Dinner Jokes
- Thread starter Surf's Up
- Start date
alfredmizen
Banned
- Mar 11, 2015
- 6,342
when she stands up as an opening line she could say ''well this is the second time today ive got up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand ''.
Handjobs?
Stato
Well-known member
- Dec 21, 2011
- 7,256
Wrong-Direction
Well-known member
- Mar 10, 2013
- 13,587
Two monkeys sitting in a bath, one says "Oo oo ah ah ahh"
The other says " If its that fu**ing hot put some cold in!"
I'll get my coat..
The other says " If its that fu**ing hot put some cold in!"
I'll get my coat..
- Feb 23, 2013
- 5,181
A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."
"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
- Feb 23, 2013
- 5,181
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
JC Footy Genius
Bringer of TRUTH
- Jun 9, 2015
- 10,568
Depending on how drunk they get something about Jeremy Hunt might go down well. (rhyming couplets).
John Bumlick
Banned
that's a crap joke.
alfredmizen
Banned
- Mar 11, 2015
- 6,342
so is your avatar , anne frank ffs ? In what way shape or form can a picture of anne frank , a kid murdered by nazis be regarded humorous ? have a word with yourself [MENTION=6886]Bozza[/MENTION] [MENTION=31]El Presidente[/MENTION] [MENTION=249]edna krabappel[/MENTION] if my avatar was offensive and worthy of censure im sure this is.
PS just got your joke , point still stands about your avatar though.
John Bumlick
Banned
holy shit. chill.
Wellesley
Well-known member
- Jul 24, 2013
- 4,973
I'm sure you don't mean to offend, but he's got a point. Very strange choice for an avatar, maybe it's time for a change.
StonehamPark
#Brighton-Nil
What do a pizza delivery man and gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it but can't eat it.
They can both smell it but can't eat it.
Arthur
Well-known member
Too soon?
alfredmizen
Banned
- Mar 11, 2015
- 6,342
Wrong-Direction
Well-known member
- Mar 10, 2013
- 13,587
What's long, hard and full of seamen?Hey Guys - can we get back to the jokes?
A submarine!
Worried Man Blues
Well-known member
Confucius say "man who confuses viagra with laxative, crap in bed"
AmexRuislip
Retired Spy 🕵️♂️
Topical: Brighton 0 2 Charlton, and I am not laughing 
Fred Oliver - Legend
Well-known member
Solly March.