View Full Version : Joke Du Jour
ManOnTheRun
10-02-2006, 16:11
A fellow walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich 1.50
Chicken Sandwich 2.50
Hand Job 10.00
Checking his wallet he finds one single tenner, he walks up to the Bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am"
The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich."
:p
Trufflehound
10-02-2006, 16:13
Is it last Wednesday again already?
SJ's Love Monkey
10-02-2006, 16:15
Originally posted by Trufflehound
Is it last Wednesday again already?
I now know i have been here before!!
ManOnTheRun
10-02-2006, 16:20
:blush:
Moshe Gariani
10-02-2006, 16:33
Originally posted by ManOnTheRun
:blush: no need for embarrassment... provided you've got a valid ticket showing it was your turn to tell "hand job"...
Man of Harveys
10-02-2006, 16:35
It was pies before - what foodstuff will it be next week?
Originally posted by Man of Harveys
It was pies before - what foodstuff will it be next week?
I thought it was funnier with pies, perhaps we could move back to a more pastry dominated food stuff next week?
well they say that variety is the spice of life....in the 25 yaers or so that i've known that joke it's always been cheese sandwiches so pies gives it a modern edge. a kind of "changing rooms" approach to old jokes if you will.
Originally posted by afters
pies gives it a modern edge. a kind of "changing rooms" approach to old jokes if you will.
I didn't realise that a pie gave a room a modern edge. My flat must be very "this year" in that case.
dougdeep
10-02-2006, 16:42
Who's turn is it to do the Crocodile Sandwich joke? ???
Man of Harveys
10-02-2006, 16:43
So: whose turn is it to tell it next Wednesday? Any volunteers? We've all got to tell it once, so you may as well get it out of the way. Maybe suggest a foodstuff and we'll have a ballot.
Moshe Gariani
10-02-2006, 16:47
i propose
Pork Pie £1.20
Bacon Sandwich £1.80
Hand Job £10
Originally posted by Moshe Gariani
i propose
Pork Pie £1.20
Bacon Sandwich £1.80
Hand Job £10
I like. Traditional but with a modern twist.
Trufflehound
10-02-2006, 16:51
How much for a cheddar ploughmans?
Man of Harveys
10-02-2006, 16:53
Originally posted by Trufflehound
How much for a cheddar ploughmans?
£1.50. But you need TWO foods.
I will be running on a manifesto of:
£1.50 Fish cakes
£2.50 Ham rolls
£10 Handjob
Moshe Gariani
10-02-2006, 16:55
Originally posted by Man of Harveys
£1.50. But you need TWO foods.
I will be running on a manifesto of:
£1.50 Fish cakes
£2.50 Ham rolls
£10 Handjob i support your choice of ham rolls as i think the joke relies on a hands-on aspect to the requested dish's production...
are they a bit pricey though...?
Man of Harveys
10-02-2006, 16:56
Originally posted by Moshe Gariani
i support your choice of ham rolls as i think the joke relies on a hands-on aspect to the requested dish's production...
are they a bit pricey though...?
It's PARMA ham.
Originally posted by Man of Harveys
It's PARMA ham.
:lolol:
Moshe Gariani
10-02-2006, 16:58
:lolol: :lolol: :lolol:
Trufflehound
10-02-2006, 16:59
Originally posted by Man of Harveys
£1.50. But you need TWO foods.
I will be running on a manifesto of:
£1.50 Fish cakes
£2.50 Ham rolls
£10 Handjob
OK, but I like to offer a range of services.
Cheddar ploughmans £1.50
Chicken tikka sandwich £2.25
"Bareback" Handjob £10
Rubber glove Handjob 45p
Silk glove Handjob You couldn't afford it
I'll get mine out the way now if that's alright.
A bloke walks into a DELI and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Prawn and lettuce on granary: £1.50
Meat feast on Italian £2.50
add 50p to all prices for specialist breads.
Checking his wallet he finds one single tenner, he walks up to the counter and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "do you serve WANKS?"
"No", she says, "you'll need to go to that shit pub over the road that changes it's menu every Wednesday. Now fuck off."
The man replies "Well up yours then, you've got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle."
Do I win £5?
Trufflehound
10-02-2006, 17:17
A race horse goes into a pub. The barmaid says to him: "Why the long face?"
The horse says: "Cos you keep saying that to me instead of giving me the handjob that everyone else gets. Now give me a pint of Harveys and a bag of oats please." So the barmaid does.
Just then a tatty piece of string with a knot in it walks in. The barmaid says: "Oi, I've told you before, we don't serve string in here. Are you a piece of string?"
The string says: "No, I'm a frayed knot." so the barmaid pours him a pint.
Then a greyhound walks in, goes up to the bar, and says to the barmaid: "Pint of Guinness and one of MoH's Parma Ham sandwiches please luv."
The racehorse looks at the dog then says to the string: Fuck me, a talking dog."
Then an Enlgishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk in. The barmaid says to them: "Is this some kind of a joke?"
The Englishman says: "Just wash your hands after you've finished jacking off that greyhound please. We're hungry."
Then a piece of pink tarmac walks in and everybody screams: "Oh no! Here comes that fucking cyclepath again."
Or something like that.
A fellow walks into a pub and stands at the bar. A PARMA ham sandwich says, "You're looking good today mate, like your jacket".
Stunned, he beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "How much are the PARMA ham sandwiches?"
"Oh don't worry", she purrs, "They're COMPLIMENTARY"
The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich."
Have you heard the female equivalent? A beautiful woman walks into a chemist. "Hi!" she breathed huskily and sexily to the man behind the counter. "I was wondering, do you personally fit contraceptive coils?" The man looked at her and made an instant decision. "Er, yes, yes we do" he stuttered. The woman smacked him round the face and shouted "Well wash your hands you dirty bastard and give me a packet of cough drops!"
Sorry but I've TREATED myself to a read of this thread and concluded that it's GOLD. :drink:
Man of Harveys
10-02-2006, 23:34
:flameboun :flameboun
NSC GOLD all the way - I officially lost The Plot at:
Originally posted by Trufflehound
The Englishman says: "Just wash your hands after you've finished jacking off that greyhound please. We're hungry."
:lolol: :lolol: :lolol:
Last Orders on the thread before closing time?
Originally posted by Man of Harveys
It was pies before
Fork off. Oooopppsss forgot you can't do that at Withdean:angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry:
brighton rock
11-02-2006, 05:18
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One turns to the other and says,
Something taste funny?
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