View Full Version : the thing is....
Guinness Dave
22-01-2006, 20:30
she who must be obeyed aint feeling too clever so she's having a little lie down. now while this presents me with the prospect of an afternoon of footy on the box without her moaning, it also presents me with a small problem. ive got some breaded turkey steaks in the fridge and im starting to feel a bit peckish. thing is
how do i cook em? cos im shit in the kitchen (unless its fixing domestic appliances):(
rospants
22-01-2006, 20:33
read the cooking instructions......
Goodfella
22-01-2006, 20:33
Try reading the instructions on the pack.
Not to worry trained chef here, we can talk you through this step by step, the thing to rememeber is to relax and it wont hurt :ohmy:
Seriously am a chef so if you want step by step instructions ask away
Guinness Dave
22-01-2006, 20:43
i would read the instructions, but she took em out the box and put em them freezer bag thingys so they'd fit in the freezer
im wasting away here:down:
Put them in the toaster
:D
Do you have gas? Do you have grill or oven and what are you having with them?
Don't put them in the toaster unless you never want to use it to toast bread again, probably the best way (healthiest) to cook them is by baking, alternatively you could pop them under the grill.
Guinness Dave
22-01-2006, 20:52
Originally posted by 555kaz
Do you have gas? Do you have grill or oven and what are you having with them? electric fan oven and grill.
today i think i will mostly be having peas with them.
dougdeep
22-01-2006, 20:55
In the grill, full blast until the smoke alarm starts. :clap2:
Right idaelly if you want potatoes with them you need to get these mostly cooked before starting the meat, as I presume the steaks are quite thin. First thing to do is to turn the oven on to about 5 oclock (I don't do tempratures, just the times). Also one easy tip when it comes to veg, if it grows overground it goes in boiling water, if it grows underground it goes in cold then brought to the boil. Are you having potatoes with it? If so what kind
Today I will be mostly making toad in the hole and mustard mash potato
Tom Hark, Preston Park
22-01-2006, 20:58
Originally posted by dougdeep
In the grill, full blast until the smoke alarm starts. :clap2:
Well that's the peas taken care of... :lol:
Originally posted by Tom Hark, Preston Park
Well that's the peas taken care of... :lol:
:lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol:
Guinness Dave
22-01-2006, 21:01
Originally posted by 555kaz
Right idaelly if you want potatoes with them you need to get these mostly cooked before starting the meat, as I presume the steaks are quite thin. First thing to do is to turn the oven on to about 5 oclock (I don't do tempratures, just the times). Also one easy tip when it comes to veg, if it grows overground it goes in boiling water, if it grows underground it goes in cold then brought to the boil. Are you having potatoes with it? If so what kind
Today I will be mostly making toad in the hole and mustard mash potato they have different kinds of potatoes now?
i thought i'd have some of them roundish white kind.
ps...mustard mash mmmmmmmmmm
Originally posted by seagullion
they have different kinds of potatoes now?
i thought i'd have some of them roundish white kind.
ps...mustard mash mmmmmmmmmm
Best kind there is, tried the posh la di da green kind once weren't nearly as nice.
With mustard mash, peel potatoes till no skin left and cut up quite small and place in pan cover with cold salted water (not sea water :lol: ) and place on hob
Is it wrong that I am actually crying with laughter on this thread?
Originally posted by 555kaz
W and place on hob
Is it wrong that I am actually crying with laughter on this thread?
No but don't forget to tell him to turn the hob on/ light the gas under the pan
Seagullion would it be easier if I came round your gaff and cookede for you :lolol: :lolol: :lolol:
Might it be prudent to suggest he waits until it is confirmed that the fire on Western Road has been extinguished, just in case things go totally Pete Tong and he needs the men with the squirty things?
Originally posted by Gully
he needs the men with the squirty things?
:ohmy:
Think it best to give phone number for a decent take away establishment
Guinness Dave
22-01-2006, 21:28
Originally posted by Ned
Seagullion would it be easier if I came round your gaff and cookede for you :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: maybe ned, youre only up the road after all :lolol:
potatoes are on
meat WAS on but i had a bit of a disaster.
i turned the grill on and (thinking it was the oven) closed the door. AND i forgot to take the grill shelf out, now the handles melted.
shouldve just had a sandwich:down:
:lolol: :lolol:
Don't worry all is not lost, the spuds need to cook for a while so you can now put the oven on (5 oclock) and let it heat up for 10 minutes or so
Also you will need a small pan of salted water (again not sea water) heating up for the peas, also put a teaspoon of sugar in this water and mint if you have any
Guinness Dave
22-01-2006, 21:32
5 o'clock?
but i want it now. im not going back in there for a bit anyway, its too smokey
Guinness Dave
22-01-2006, 21:33
Originally posted by 555kaz
Also you will need a small pan of salted water (again not sea water) heating up for the peas, also put a teaspoon of sugar in this water and mint if you have any sugar? in peas?
Originally posted by seagullion
im not going back in there for a bit anyway, its too smokey
:lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol:
Originally posted by seagullion
sugar? in peas?
Trust me I'm a doctor :D
Seriously just a small teaspoon, not a heaped one, and some salt. These are frozen peas and not processed or mushy peas?
Boiling veggies in salt water is just wrong ! (IMHO)
Originally posted by 555kaz
Also you will need a small pan of salted water (again not sea water) heating up for the peas, also put a teaspoon of sugar in this water and mint if you have any
would a couple of polos do for both the sugar and mint ?
Guinness Dave
22-01-2006, 21:43
right. everything seems to be bubbling away quite happily. how long do i boil the peas for?
Originally posted by Titanic
would a couple of polos do for both the sugar and mint ?
My god please for me this is nsc gold
Don't put the peas on yet just the water. keep it bubbling nicely for now
Guinness Dave
22-01-2006, 21:55
Originally posted by 555kaz
My god please for me this is nsc gold
Don't put the peas on yet just the water. keep it bubbling nicely for now too late!
shall i fish em back out again? i got one of them big spoon things with the holes in
Get the peas out now, then put them safely in a dish.
Now you can put the meat in the oven, on a baking tray at the top of the oven.
Originally posted by pasty
Boiling veggies in salt water is just wrong ! (IMHO)
No different to the christians and the lions in roman times ;)
¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤
22-01-2006, 22:00
Originally posted by seagullion
im wasting away here:down:
:lolol: :lolol: :lolol:
Gold
Guinness Dave
22-01-2006, 22:01
Originally posted by 555kaz
Now you can put the meat in the oven, on a baking tray at the top of the oven. the meats been in all the time, thats how the handle melted on the tray thing
shal i fish that out too?
LMFAO
yes think you better had, and take the spuds of and drain the water away
Once water is drained away, add knob of butter and small amount of milk and begin to mash. When they spuds are mostly mashed add a couple of spoons of mustard and some black pepper and carry on mashing/mixing in
ben andrews' girlfriend
22-01-2006, 22:08
This has to be one of the funniest threads ive read in aaages
Originally posted by ben andrews' girlfriend
This has to be one of the funniest threads ive read in aaages
You ain't kidding my sides are hurting and I've just been asked what I was crying about!
Guinness Dave
22-01-2006, 22:16
the peas are no longer in the equation, owing to the fact that the dish over balanced and they are now all over the draining board.
and ive had a bit of a disaster with the spuds, owing to the fact that i put a bit too much milk in and its got the consistency of thick milk shake:down:
Originally posted by 555kaz
Once water is drained away, add knob of butter and small amount of milk and begin to mash. When they spuds are mostly mashed add a couple of spoons of mustard and some black pepper and carry on mashing/mixing in
Now get yellow pages and look under T for take away restaurants, select type of menu required and call, not forgetting to give your order and your address. Upon hearing knock on the door, pay nice delivery man and apologise for the smoke. Unwrap the delivered package
After that should all be ready to serve up, and sample the delights. Failing that retrieve your turkey steaks and mash from bin, place on a plate with peas from earlier and down with 20 "Andrews Antacid Pills" ;)
Originally posted by seagullion
the peas are no longer in the equation, owing to the fact that the dish over balanced and they are now all over the draining board.
and ive had a bit of a disaster with the spuds, owing to the fact that i put a bit too much milk in and its got the consistency of thick milk shake:down:
:lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol:
Guinness Dave
22-01-2006, 22:28
i give up. i have had an afternoon of culinary disasters.
no peas
no mash
and just when im thinking to myself 'never mind, youve still got your turkey steaks' what happens? the element goes on the cooker and everything is cold. and thats not all
as i was scraping said disasters into the dogs bowl my mobile fell out my top pocket into a heap of slushy mash and its blocked up all the speaker holes. :down:
:dunce: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :lolol:
Woodchip
22-01-2006, 22:35
:lolol: :lolol: :clap2: :lolol: :lolol:
Originally posted by seagullion
i give up. i have had an afternoon of culinary disasters.
no peas
no mash
and just when im thinking to myself 'never mind, youve still got your turkey steaks' what happens? the element goes on the cooker and everything is cold. and thats not all
as i was scraping said disasters into the dogs bowl my mobile fell out my top pocket into a heap of slushy mash and its blocked up all the speaker holes. :down:
The takeaway will be open soon.
Talking of peas, on Friday evening I cooked Cumberland chipolatas, mash and marrowfat peas. I was coming through the double doors from the kitchen carrying both plates on a tray with cutlery and the tray slipped in my hand.
I dropped both dinners on the living room floor (which fortnuately is laminated) We had to mop the floor after picking up broken plate and discarded food. The marrowfat peas went everywhere including inside one of the big speakers either side of the tv.
I swore rather loudly and Ned laughed.
Originally posted by Yorkie
The takeaway will be open soon.
Talking of peas, on Friday evening I cooked Cumberland chipolatas, mash and marrowfat peas. I was coming through the double doors from the kitchen carrying both plates on a tray with cutlery and the tray slipped in my hand.
I dropped both dinners on the living room floor (which fortnuately is laminated) We had to mop the floor after picking up broken plate and discarded food. The marrowfat peas went everywhere including inside one of the big speakers either side of the tv.
I swore rather loudly and Ned laughed.
:lolol: :lolol:
Guinness Dave
22-01-2006, 22:52
many thanks to all who tried (in vain) to help:clap:
Zed Seagull
22-01-2006, 22:54
Really fancy that mustard mash. Is that teaspoons of mustard or tablespoons? Or maybe desertspoons?
This thread is so funny by the way!!!:lolol:
Never made mustard mash before, sounds pretty good. A variation I like is to mix some chopped scallions in with the mash just before you beat it, can also add a little grated cheddar for a really tasty treat.
Originally posted by Zed Seagull
Really fancy that mustard mash. Is that teaspoons of mustard or tablespoons? Or maybe desertspoons?
This thread is so funny by the way!!!:lolol:
The mustard is to taste, however I always try to use Dijon mustard as it's a bit milder and doesn't overpower the potato, also make sure it's really well mixed in with the mash.
Mods if you have a heart please this is NSC gold
Originally posted by Gully
Never made mustard mash before, sounds pretty good. A variation I like is to mix some chopped scallions in with the mash just before you beat it, can also add a little grated cheddar for a really tasty treat.
If you ever make cheese sauce always put mustard in as it brings out the flavour of the cheese. Another free top tip spud mashers, not arf mate ;)
Originally posted by Yorkie
The takeaway will be open soon.
Talking of peas, on Friday evening I cooked Cumberland chipolatas, mash and marrowfat peas. I was coming through the double doors from the kitchen carrying both plates on a tray with cutlery and the tray slipped in my hand.
I dropped both dinners on the living room floor (which fortnuately is laminated) We had to mop the floor after picking up broken plate and discarded food. The marrowfat peas went everywhere including inside one of the big speakers either side of the tv.
I swore rather loudly and Ned laughed.
I've told her If she wants me to help out by mopping the living room floor there are less extreme ways to get it done like 'asking' :lolol: :lolol: :lolol:
Asking would be a bit to subtle for me, think I could just about take it with a tray of food over the floor, only just mind
You haven't heard what constitutes Yorkie "Asking":jester:
Originally posted by Ned
You haven't heard what constitutes Yorkie "Asking":jester:
Very true maybe best if I kept quiet now just to be safe ;)
Guinness Dave
23-01-2006, 00:28
king prawn schezuan on its way from happy chef in seaford.
happy days are here again :lolol:
:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:
Probably for the best eh? At least we tried :lolol:
Poach them in the kettle, just tape down the on switch and leave for 15 minutes, adding a few slices of lemon 2 minutes from the end.:clap2: :clap2: :clap2:
Remember to fill kettle first.
Originally posted by 555kaz
:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:
Probably for the best eh? At least we tried :lolol:
Excellent effort, Kaz.
I haven't laughed at a thread so much since Hiney's altercation with his neighbours.
Hope you enjoyed the takeaway, Seagullion. :lolol:
Sorry didn't read pages 3 and 2 and thought it was kippers not Turkey steaks, enjoy your chinky.
Well I've just finished my toad in the hole with mustard mash and it was luverley. Hope the take away was good and tune in next week for the next episode of "How to Talk the Misses into a Take Away"
HampshireSeagulls
23-01-2006, 14:29
I don't get it? You could have avoided all of this by lifting the missus up (get a good hold under the armpits), and walking her into the kitchen. With a bit of assistance, she should have been able to cook dinner for you - what are women for, for God's sake? I can't help thinking that you have brought this whole disaster on yourself by not taking charge of the malingering missus.
Anyway - if you can't stick it on a hexamine burner with a C4 firelighter, it's not worth eating.....
Les Biehn
23-01-2006, 14:53
Wholegrain Mustard Mash is the shizam.
After reading you post 555Kaz how do you make toad in the hole. It is my favorite dish but haven't had it in about 8 years as mother Biehn used to make it for me.
Originally posted by Les Biehn
Wholegrain Mustard Mash is the shizam.
After reading you post 555Kaz how do you make toad in the hole. It is my favorite dish but haven't had it in about 8 years as mother Biehn used to make it for me.
Yorkshire pudding batter with sausages in it.
Les Biehn
23-01-2006, 15:00
Originally posted by Yorkie
Yorkshire pudding batter with sausages in it.
That just tells me what it is. I still don't know how to cook sausages or make the batter, or whether you do cook them together or seperate.:down:
Da Man Clay
23-01-2006, 15:57
:lolol:
Please NSC GOLD this thread.
CHAPPERS
23-01-2006, 15:59
Originally posted by Les Biehn
That just tells me what it is. I still don't know how to cook sausages or make the batter, or whether you do cook them together or seperate.:down:
Find out on the BBC website. They have LOADS of recipes on there. My only adive for toad in the hole is to make sure the oil is HOT before adding the batter to thedish. I think I shall make toad in the hole this week sometime. Yummy!
Here's a simple one..
Ingredients
1 free-range egg
75g/2½oz plain flour
¼ pint milk
4 sausages
4 tbsp olive oil
Method
1. Heat the oven to 220C/425F/Gas 7.
2. Mix the batter together and leave to sit while you fry the sausages.
3. Heat one tbsp oil in a medium ovenproof frying pan and gently brown the sausages for 2-3 minutes.
4. Add the remaining oil to the pan and heat.
5. Pour in the batter and cook in the oven for 15-20 minutes or until risen and golden.
Les Biehn
23-01-2006, 16:20
:thumbsup: Chappers your a ledge. Cheers mate.
HampshireSeagulls
23-01-2006, 16:30
Failing that, Asda and Safeway sell ready-meals, all you have to do is follow the instructions. Not as good as the real thing, but handy if you just need a quick fix of toad in the hole. You can get individual ones as well (check the freezer compartments).
Les Biehn
23-01-2006, 16:32
Cheers Hampshire.
CHAPPERS
23-01-2006, 16:37
Make your own batter, much better.
Sieve in the flour to and remove any lumps after you have mixed the batter. Make your own, seriously, it's much better than those shit ready meal ones as they use crappy bangers.
HampshireSeagulls
23-01-2006, 16:39
Just be careful - if you are not trained in the kitchen, this is what happens!
http://www.theargus.co.uk/the_argus/news/NEWS1.html
Always better to let a fully trained kitchen operative do the tasks.
"The couple had been out for drinks with friends on Friday night and returned home to Wick Parade, Littlehampton, in the early hours of Saturday.
Mrs Quincey began cooking fishfingers in a deep-fat fryer but the couple fell asleep and the fryer burst into flames. ":nono: :nono:
Les Biehn
23-01-2006, 16:40
I must admit the ready made yorkshires are always hard which isn't good.
Originally posted by Les Biehn
I must admit the ready made yorkshires are always hard which isn't good.
They only need 4 mins. I prefer Yorkshires to be slightly crispy.
Soggy batter is horrible.
Les Biehn
23-01-2006, 16:52
Light and fluffy are the best.
Theatre of Trees
23-01-2006, 16:57
So what did the missus think of your attempts at dinner then?
Originally posted by Theatre of Trees
So what did the missus think of your attempts at dinner then?
She's still cleaning the kitchen up this morning.
Guinness Dave
23-01-2006, 20:45
Originally posted by HampshireSeagulls
Failing that, Asda and Safeway sell ready-meals, all you have to do is follow the instructions. Not as good as the real thing, but handy if you just need a quick fix of toad in the hole. You can get individual ones as well (check the freezer compartments). toad in the hole ready meals at asda.....5 for £3-50.
im going to stock up in case her indoors cops another unfortunate one
Originally posted by seagullion
toad in the hole ready meals at asda.....5 for £3-50.
im going to stock up in case her indoors cops another unfortunate one
Can you cope with ready made microwave meals? Don't think I could go through another episode like yesterday again :lolol:
Guinness Dave
24-01-2006, 01:06
its a microwave meal.......how hard can it be?
same time next sunday then? :lolol:
Yeah same time mate ;)
Pizza delivery on stand by :p
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